Day 7 - Sleepless In Seattle/Bournemouth
Seven days in now and so far so good but I am really starting to notice the impact this diet is having on my energy levels. Had to go to a meeting in Tauton this morning so that meant an early start and, depending on traffic, potentially a 2 hour drive. Which is fine when you're firing on all cylinders but I'm not right now.

As I am meant to be consuming a minimum of 4 litres (8 pints in old money) of water a day I grabbed a couple of bottles of water and dutifully sipped at them throughout my drive and I figured that if I really needed to I could stop at a service station and make full use of their facilities. Unfortunately the traffic was probably the worst I've ever seen it and, as a result, I was starting to panic that I wouldn't make my meeting in time. Translate that in to 'no pit stops for me' and, as you can imagine, I ending up running in to the office, bent double in pain and desperate. You would think it would be easy at that point for me to just throw my bags on to reception and dash to the loo but NO. This office is more secure than Fort Knox and in order to get through any door, including the toilet doors, you need a pass and in order to get a pass you need to sign in AND in order to sign in there needs to be someone on reception. This morning, of all mornings, there wasn't anybody there. Lord help me, I am about to have an accident! A very pathetic 'Hello' managed to raise someone's attention and I was finally given the magic pass to relief. Phew! That was a close shave I don't want to repeat in a hurry.

The meeting itself was fairly brain heavy but, having held back the flood waters, I was awake and alert and I think I provided a positive contribution, and 6 hours later it was time to make the drive home. Plenty of pit stops for me.

Oh, almost forgot to mention, the lemon bar..............my new LL foodpack choice. It's the same as the fruit one in that it's got that same playdoh texture and awful 'yoghurt' coating but inside it's a lovely soft yellow colour and is satisfyingly sweet yet at the same time sharp enough to cut through the aftertaste of the white gunk. Very nice indeed.

Decided to go to the gym with Joolz - who offered to stand behind me in case I pass out. Twenty minutes on the cross trainer had me sweating & light headed and my pulse was up to 152 even though I taking it relatively easy. Previously my heart rate would've been at around 129/132 fort that pace so that was quite worrying, but I've got to go back for a second medical in 3 weeks so I'll mention it to the Doc. (As an aside, we have to have a medical every 4 weeks on the LL and you can't carry on if you don't produce the required Drs certificate. Personally I think that's a really good thing) Anyway, I was shattered after the cross trainer but that's hardly surprising considering I had only consumed 250 calories and had just exercised 200 of them away. So Joolz & I had a quick sit down break before cracking on with a round of weight training - the usual drill, chest press, lat pull down, leg press blah blah blah - followed by some ab work, which resulted in much hilarity as I tried to do some crunches without emitting a sound equal to a bomb a bomb exploding - yes, the wind is still with me!

Woolly popped in for a quick chat and said that he could see that I had lost some weight around my face - one chin down!! - which was nice as I haven't noticed anything at all and was starting to think that maybe the 9lb weight loss had come from my toes or something.

Anyway, by the time I got home I was incredibly tired and just needed to sleep so I crawled in to bed at 9.30pm knowing full well that, somewhere in this Town, there were probably 7 year olds who were staying up later than me! Hey ho!

And that should be where day 7 ended - in a full, satisfying, exhausted sleep (dreaming of sex - yes that's still happening too). But no. For the next 3 hours I was back and forth to the toilet every ten minutes or so. No bloody wonder I'm dehydrated the amount of liquid I'm getting shot of. Talk about frustrating! At one point I even started to consider my options:

1. Stay where I am and just wet the bed - not really an option at all but the thought did cross my mind briefly.
2. Get a spare duvet and pillow and just go to sleep on the loo for the night.
3. Keep dragging my barely awake body out of bed every time.

Obviously I chose option 3 but 2 was under very serious consideration. Thankfully I finally fell asleep around 1am so that was day 7.

Thought for the day: I wonder how much incontinence pants cost????
Oh & because I was bored.......................you have to try the Simpsons Personality Test. My results were:
***You Are Barney***
You could have been an intellectual leader... Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer
You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps
Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."
The Simpsons Personality Test http://www.blogthings.com/thesimpsonspersonalitytest/

Day 6 - The Lady Vanishes
Just come back from my second LL group meeting and....................have lost another 3lbs since Sunday!!
That's a total of 9lbs in just 6 days. I'm turning in to Mrs Pepperpot. I used to love those stories when I was a kid only I hope I don't 'pop' back to my bigger size after I've shrunk!!

At our group meeting this week we had to draw a picture of something which represents where we want to be/what we want at the end of this journey. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am rubbish at art. I can't even draw a straight line with a ruler so this was a real challenge for me. I made a valiant effort to produce a picture which vaguely resembled some gorgeous & sexy Agent Provocateur underwear but in reality my picture resembled an incredibly massive pair of pants and a couple of triangles on a line!! And, bearing in mind that I'm not getting any younger and should think about having children at some point, when the weight is off and I'm feeling fit & healthy, I also tried to draw a baby. If I told you that the lady next to me leaned over and asked me why I had drawn a peg then you might start to comprehend just how bad my sketching skills really are! Mind you, Salvador Dali would probably have loved it.

You learn some amazing things at these group meetings - for example; one of my co-lifers has read on the internet that if you make a thick paste out of the soup, put it in blobs onto some greaseproof paper & pop it in the microwave for about 90 seconds you end up with crisps. She's tried it and with plenty of tobasco sauce (we're allowed that) salt and pepper they apparently taste amazing.

It's all out there, on the net, lots of different ways to use your foodpacks to make life more interesting. I shall have to do some research.

Here's a thought though - how desperately bored with the foodpacks does someone have to be before they start putting blobs of soup in the microwave and, as a result, discover you an make crisps??

This week we also found out that we can have two of the LL savoury drinks a day, on top of the four foodpacks, and we were given some to try. Very nice - like a vegetable/chicken stock type drink. As you can imagine we all picked up a box and I will certainly be making the most of mine.

Well that's it for me tonight - got a long drive tomorrow so need to get some sleep.

Thought for today - how is it that I have managed to drink almost 6 litres of water today (not to mention all the liquid in my drinks and soups) and yet my ketosis test tonight showed that I am dehydrated? Answers on a comment post please.........

Day 5 - Gone With The Wind
I think the title says everything about today's latest side effect - gas! Lots of it, trapped and popping away in my stomach. Add that to the rumbling hunger noises and it sounds like I've got a gastric orchestra playing away inside me. Nice! Mind you, I can cope with the sounds, I'm just really worried now about when it starts to come out!!! It's gotta go somewhere.......

Keeping it short tonight (thank goodness for that, right?) as I've just come back from a nice walk with the lovely Jo and am about to settle in for the Lost finale. I can't miss that.

Once again no hunger pangs today and seem to have plenty of energy though I am aware that my head isn't yet totally fog free but it does seem to be getting there. Other than that I feel absolutely fine.

Oh, before I forget...........................my nut bar. For a start it's nearly twice the size of the fruit one so it almost doesn't matter what it tasted like but the best way to describe it would be to think of a Farleys Rusk which has gone a little bit dry, throw in the odd peanut, a handful of sawdust and that's pretty much it. Quite palatable and I managed to make it last until nearly 4pm so it may well be the life saver in all this. There are a couple of other bars so no doubt I can check those out at tomorrow nights LL meeting & weigh in.

Right, I'm off....................

Day 4 - The Girl Can't Help It
Wow talk about a transformation from yesterday. Not only have I felt wide awake all day but I haven't felt hungry once and I've had a very pleasant buzz going on. Only side effect I can see is that I do still seem to be fixating on sex but, hey ho, it could be worse I guess. As long as I can still function who cares if the majority of my thoughts border on the obscene?!?

Actually, I had so much mental energy today that I even managed to finish off some things at work which I've been back burnering for a while.

This being day four I was allowed my first bar - woohoo! I don't think I can put into words how excited I was this morning at the prospect of eating something solid and, after much umming & ahhing, I decided to choose the fruit bar for my breakfast. But I gave myself a very long & hard lecture about not eating it all at once and trying to make it last all day. Shouldn't have bothered - it was pretty unpleasant & making it last turned out to be a doddle.

Maybe I'm being a bit harsh, maybe those people with a sweet tooth love it but it just was so not my bag. I'll describe it and you can decide if it would be yours either. The first disappointing thing was that I was expecting it to be like those fruit & cereal bars you can buy - oaty & nutty with the odd bit of dried fruit thrown in for added chewiness (I may be inventing a few words here so please forgive me). You'd think that would be the case right? I mean it was called a fruit bar. But no, I couldn't have been more wrong if I'd tried.

On opening my 'bar' (may need to discuss the use of that word with Trading Standards) I suddenly felt like I had one Christmas morning when I'd ripped open the wrapping on my present, full of excitement at the thought of my new Action Man (don't ask) only to find I'd been given a Barbie. Gutted! Did you know there are several ways to take the head off a Barbie, without causing damage, so that it looks like she's faulty and needs to be taken back to the shop? Anyway, I digress........

So, this bar. Well, to start with it had an off white coating (remember that frozen fat on mince meat I mentioned the other day? Bingo!) which I'm guessing was a vague attempt at yogurt. But the inside was even more strange; no oats & certainly no fruit. I guess the only way to describe it is to say that it looked a bit like fudge but the texture wasn't quite right. Have you ever bitten into a slightly soggy oxo cube, preferably the vegetable one? No. Must just be me then. It was that kind of texture though with even more of a plasticine consistency.

Ok, texture I can live with & I'm sure I've probably had worse things in my mouth but then there was the taste. Well, maybe not the taste so much as the aftertaste. Fatty & disgusting. So I nibbled at the corners all day and managed to down the final bite just before I left work.

Have the nut bar to try tomorrow, wonder what that'll be like? Feel free to speculate.

Anyway, that was my day. Am going to settle down in front of the TV with a nice raspberry shake & watch Life On Mars.

Thoughts for today........................
None that I care to share as they are all far too obscene and I don't want to make you blush!

Day 3 - Dawn of the living dead!
Woke up this morning feeling like I'd consumed at least 3 bottles of vodka and gone five rounds with Mike Tyson. Tired beyond belief, shaking, head hurting like hell and, despite the gallons of water I drank last night, with a major thirst on. Oh and my stomach hurts like I've pulled a muscle or something. I know I haven't so can only assume that it's been caused by all the effort my tummy has been making to create the deafening rumbling sounds which are starting to become incredibly distracting.

Managed to drag myself out of bed at noon to make myself a vanilla shake and Russell made me a black coffee. I poured some of the shake in to it in the vain hope of it tasting a bit like a latte. No chance!

Decanted myself from bed to sofa and remained there for the best part of the afternoon and tried to concentrate on watching TV & reading the paper but it was just too much like hard work. My brain feels extremely odd and vacant (no change there then!!). It's a very strange feeling; a bit like a fog has descended; and I feel like a complete space cadet!

At my LL group meeting last week we were told that, around this time, our bodies start to detox and we may suffer withdrawal symptoms - I guess this is what I'm experiencing today. Hope it doesn't last long.

In the first week on the LL progamme you have to have a Stop In with your group leader. This is basically just to make sure everything is ok, get weighed and pick up the rest of the weeks foodpacks. Oh yeah & to wee on a bit of litmus paper to find out if you're in ketosis yet. For those who don't know, if you're in ketosis then your body has started to burn up your fat for fuel - or something like that.

The result of my stop in:
I am in ketosis.
I'VE LOST 6LBS SINCE WEDNESDAY - UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!

One of the girls from my group was there and she said that she'd been feeling rough yesterday but woke up this morning feeling amazing - the rest of my group are one day ahead of me so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the same thing happens to me too. In the meantime I have told Russell he needs to sleep with his eyes open in case I feel a sudden desire to gnaw his arm off.

Interesting fact I learnt today: We were talking last night about the fact that I had been dreaming of sex and this prompted a somewhat rude and naughty conversation about how if I ever got really hungry I could always perform a certain sexual act on my husband and get a protein fix................for those who were party to that conversation I can now confirm that there are approximately 2 calories and 1 gramme of protein in the average male ejaculation. One serving of Death By Chocolate is equivalent to 400 'servings' of cum!!!

Anyway, that's it for me now. I am shattered and going to bed.

Thoughts for today:
Positive: If I keep losing weight at this rate I won't have to do the full 100 days as I don't really want to lose much more than 3 stone.
Negative: Am too damn tired to think negatively!!

My Lighter Life

Day Two - Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink!!

I decided to end Day One with a big mug of steaming thick & creamy, hot chocolate. Doesn't that sound delicious? Let's just say that Russell told me if I didn't stop making those 'disgusting retching noises' he was going to be sick himself! It's those bloody lumps again.

Cold - they are nasty little balls of yuk designed to explode in powdery grossness in your mouth.

Hot - a million times worse. When I was little my Mum used to put cooked mince meat in the freezer. When she took it out again all of the fat from the meat had risen to the surface and formed a solid, pale yellow layer which she would then lift off, as one piece, and either throw it away or put it out for the birds (I never quite understood that. Why would birds like mince meat fat? It did always disappear but I thought that had more to do with foxes than birds!!) Anyhoo, now picture that mince meat, having just been put in the freezer, and thick, fatty globules are rising to the surface. Coat those globules in a vaguely chocolate flavoured powder and imagine drinking/eating them. M'mmm lovely!!

So, I went to bed feeling sick & hungry and starting to think that I might have to give up my Lighter Life if I can't sort these bloody lumps out!!

In case you're wondering............ no I didn't dream about food. I dreamt about sex!! How bizarre is that? Not a sexual dream - so to speak - but just about sex. I have come to the conclusion that this is because I'm thinking about two of the great pleasures in life (in my opinion) ie Food and Sex (or food with sex, if that tickles your particular fancy!). I'm denied the food pleasure so my brain has opted to concentrate on sex instead. Russell thinks that's great and hopes I continue with this particular fixation for the rest of my LL.

Actually didn't feel too bad when I woke up though. No hunger pangs, full of energy and raring to go. Ok I admit that I did feel a slight twinge when I could smell Russell's toast cooking but it was a passing thought and no real biggie. Decided to try the raspberry shake for breakfast but I knew I couldn't possibly face another lumpy drink so I turned a couple of drawers upside down until I found the electric hand blender I bought some years ago and hardly ever used. What a transformation - suddenly the grotesqueness lumps have transformed in to a fluffy, bubbly delicious (ok so I'm stretching that one a little) thick milk shakes and I'm starting to believe I might actually get through this. FANTASTIC.

Decided to spend the rest of the day distracting myself from food so went shopping - any old excuse eh. I really was doing fine until I passed a burger bar and was hit by a wall frying onions. Ok so not actually hit by a wall of onions but the smell of them frying had exactly the same impact, in that I stopped suddenly and was unable to move. God that smell was delicious. What is it with me and onions?

Wiping the drool from the side of my mouth I gave myself a 'stay strong, you can do this' speech and moved on...........to my next challenge. The supermarket. Yep, I went straight from the frying pan (no pun intended) to the fire. Food everywhere I turned, I kept my head down and ploughed on, picking up chips & beans for Russell, avoiding the deli counter and the smell of cooking chicken. It was actually fairly easy, if I'm honest. Only because it was packed with people all getting in my way and faffing around so I allowed my desire for food to be overtaken by the desire to whip out an AK47 and clean house! Oops, might just have found another side effect - lack of patience bordering on psychosis. You have all been warned!!!!

The rest of the day passed without event - had a mushroom soup for my lunch (8/10 for taste and it had little bits of mushroom in so that was nice) and a vegetable soup (9/10 - definitely my favourite. Thick and golden and creamy - use your imagination enough and it could almost be a Covent Garden butternut squash soup - only there's much less of it) followed by caramel shake (ok I guess but too sweet for me) for my evening meal.

Then, just to prove how hardcore I really am........................a night out. The last ever Room 101 and there was no way I was going to miss that. Had a great night but wasn't my usual dancing fool and got absolutely sick of the taste of soda water but I was ok. Think the company helped - Joolz and Woolly; always a pleasure never a chore. Thanks for the distraction and the hundred & one questions and love you both for your concern. Mr Morgan, thanks for your continued ability to crack me right up - you should have your own show!! Ness & Laura - big hugs & kisses. And Russell, the "are you ok baby"s were much appreciated as were the little back & neck rubs.

As much as it was a great night by half past 12 I was shattered. No energy whatsoever. I'm not talking about being a little bit tired here, I mean full on exhaustion, like I've only ever felt before when I did a sponsored swim-marathon. So, time to go home & get to bed and wonder what dreams will come!

This where it all begins. 100 days without food. 100 days without alcohol.

I expect you're wondering what heinous crime I committed to be facing such punishment. Well, quite simply, I got fat. I over indulged; I ate when I was bored, tired, grumpy, happy, hangover (the list goes on) but very rarely did I eat just because I was hungry. Now I'm paying for it and it's time for drastic measures and a Lighter Life.

What is Lighter Life (LL)? Basically it's a very low calorie diet (vlcd) which means no food (other than LL food packs ie shakes, soups & bars) initially for 100 days. During that time you can expect to lose 3 stone. You also attend a weekly group session which is designed to make you change the way you 'relate' to food so that you don't put all the weight back on once you start eating 'real' food again.

This is seriously hardcore weight loss and I think I'm going to need SAS strength stamina to get through it but............BRING IT ON!!!

My last supper........
Not only was yesterday my last day of 'real' food for 100 days but also the 10 year anniversary of when my husband and I finally got together after six months of outrageous flirting. To celebrate this amazing event (the amazement coming from us - "ten years! ten years!. How the hell did we manage that???!!") he booked our favourite restaurant. It was a perfect night in every way. The wine was dry & crisp and cold. The starter - juicy, moist scallops swimming in a creamy mushroom & onion sauce - was delicious & I could easily have eaten it again had I not been saving some room for a tender, blue & bloody fillet steak with a spinach sauce, cute little saute potatoes, courgettes, carrots & crunchy French beans. Oh & I did manage a little bit of lemon sorbet to finish it all off too.

Just thinking about last night has made my mouth water & my tummy rumble. Why the hell am I torturing myself like this?????

Day One - Also to be known as the day I discovered lumps!!
After two G&Ts and two bottles of wine is it any wonder that I woke up this morning with a slight hangover. And my first thoughts on waking - God I need a hangover cure. A bacon butty or a fry up or something. Then my husband rolled over in bed and said "You're not allowed milk are you? Guess that means you can't have a cup of tea then" "thanks for reminding me. I'll have black coffee" I replied with what was, I think you'll agree, amazing restraint all things considered.

Now the LL programme says that you have to have four of their food packs a day but you can't have one of the bars until day 4 which is just great when you've got a hangover. Having put the nut crunch bar back in my LL bag (yes you get a snazzy bag and everything. Small things, as they say) I opted for a vanilla shake for breakfast and promptly nearly threw up! No it wasn't the taste, that was actually quite nice. It was because I hadn't mixed it properly and kept getting a mouth full of lumpy, powdery awfulness. Vile, but I had to drink it. So I opted for the tried and tested method used the world over - I held my nose, tipped my head back, poured it down my throat, tried not to chew any lumps and finally held my hand over my mouth to stop from throwing it back up again.

I'm glad to say that the day did improve after that. Work was a welcome distraction to the lack of food and I was starting to like the taste of black tea. I looked scornfully at the cakes & biscuits in the staff room - you can't tempt me you sugary delicacies from hell. I'm hardcore. I'm a Lighter Lifer - and didn't feel at all phased by my colleagues cheerfully munching donuts around me.

Lunch, a Thai chili soup - more lumps. God I hope I get better at making these things - was ok though not sure I'd have gone for that option in a restaurant.

In fact everything was going great guns until about 3pm when the hangover came back for a second visit and brought it's friend tiredness along for the ride. I needed a caffeine fix but was now yearning for a milky coffee. And no matter how hard I tried to concentrate on work, all I could think about was food. Not just any food but onion rings. Those crispy little circles of savory goodness. Stop it, Stop it, Stop it. Again with the self torture?!?

Somehow I not only managed to get through the afternoon but I also came home and cooked my husband his dinner (You'll have to guess what it was - I'm not falling in to that trap again) whilst I prepared my chicken soup pack and poured my 6th pint of water. Did I mention that you have to drink a minimum of 8 pints of water a day on this diet? No. Sorry I meant to but my teeth were starting to float and I had to pay a trip to the little girls room instead!

(Note to self: Ring LL group leader and ask to swap food packs. Chicken 8/10 for taste. Thai chili 5/10.)

I have one more food pack left to go today - might have a raspberry shake or maybe a hot chocolate before bed. The choices are endless! And then it starts all over again tomorrow.

Well, that's all for tonight. I'm tired and I figure I can't actually punish myself by thinking about food if I'm asleep can I - unless of course I start to dream about it. Shouldn't have said that, have probably jinxed myself now.

today's final thoughts:
Positive - I am looking forward to spending some serious cash on some sexy as hell lingerie which really shouldn't be covered up with clothing.
Negative - God I hope my boobs don't shrink. I love them just as they are.