It's day 38 and I've lost 2 stone so far.

Since my last blog I have to confess that things haven't been going quite to plan!

My LL leader thinks that I should be finding this diet a breeze by now. That I should have already identified those triggers/times/emotional states etc which would previously have had me reaching for food and should now be well equipped to argue against the chattering internal voices and talk them down with ease.

If that's the case, how is it that I found myself tucking into a bowl of peanuts yesterday and have also become somewhat obsessed with pickled onions?? In case you were wondering..................................no, I'm not pregnant.

Personally I think that, if anything, the last two weeks have been the hardest so far and it doesn't have anything to do with triggers or voices but everything to do with complacency. Lighter Life is, I've decided, like a relationship. Now that it's lost it's newness & it's excitment, I've settled in to it and, yes you've guessed it, I've given up making the effort!! And what happens when you give up making an effort??? Well, in my case, I get lazy and fat and a handfull of peanuts is just the start of a very long & slippery slope.

So, if I'm going to see this thing through then I guess I'm going to have to start putting in some effort again. I'm going to have to spice up my Lighter Life!! Think I might have to introduce a little fire in to the relationship - and a threesome may be just what the doctor ordered. I just hope Mr Foodpack doesn't object to me introducing Mr Tobasco into our relationship at this late stage!!!

Day 29 - Little Voice
I can't believe that it's been so long since I last updated my blog but, in my defence, I have been feeling pretty unwell for about a week so I guess that's a good enough reason?!?

So, most important thing first - today is day 29 and I have lost 22lbs.

You'd think I'd be pleased with that but am actually a bit miffed as I only lost 3lbs this week and was hoping it would have been more. I'm still hoping to be able to have a little something to eat on Christmas Day and I do need to lose more than 3lb a week if I'm going to achieve that goal.

Since my last blog I've faced a couple of fairly major food challenges and am pretty proud to report that I passed with flying colours.

Challenge One - Sean's birthday night out. Drinks & a curry.
When we received Sean's text inviting us out for his birthday I have to admit that it did initially cross my mind to say no but I just decided that that would be a really stupid choice. Afterall, if I say no to that am I going to say no to every social occasion we're invited to just because I'm on this diet? I don't know, maybe some lighter lifers would do that but I just don't see the point in ostracising myself for the sake of a diet! That and the fact that I really wanted to see if I could do it. If I could sit in a restaurant surrounded by lots of my favourite food and not be tempted. My only concern was whether the restaurant owner would have a problem with me not eating but he was absolutely fine and even offered to make up one of my soups for me.

The day of Sean's birthday meal I had my staff away day. I'm guessing these are pretty common in most companies but, if not, an away day does pretty much what it says on the tin! It's a chance for all staff to get away from the office, get involved in fun, challenging activities and spend time with people they wouldn't generally interact with in a day to day basis. This year we went to Brenscome Farm, near Corfe Castle, in Dorset and after an hour or so of orienteering we were challenged to a bit of archery - somehow I don't think Robin Hood would've been keen to have me in his merry band of outlaws. Trust me, it's harder than it looks and I was happy just to hit the outer edges of the target. I did come close to the bull once but that was more by chance than skill - I coughed just as I was letting go of the arrow and 'accidentally' managed to point the thing in the right direction!!!

Next was rock climbing - which I love. Ever since I was a child I've been more than happy crawling over rocks & up and down cliffs at Portland Bill so I wasn't phased by this at all. The only problem was that as I'm used to climbing either bare foot or with fairly lightweight shoes I found it really hard to get a good toe hold in my trainers. Obviously, for our own safety, we were strapped to ropes and had to wear the most disgusting, musty, nasty smelling helmets - which was pretty off putting. I was first to go and attempted to fly up the wall like spiderman but came unstuck two thirds of the way up when I realised that I couldn't reach the next hand hold. I did try but it was just too far away and I fell backwards off the wall. Thankfully my anchorman, Paul, was awake and kept me from falling. He did, however, leave me hanging for what seemed like more than a reasonable amount of time and I suspect he only decided to let me down when he noticed how purple my face was going. Those bloody harnesses chafe like you wouldn't believe!! So I didn't make the top but was lots of fun anyway.

And last, but not least, we went riffle shooting. My last shooting experience was clay pigeon shooting and the kick of the gun left a massive bruise on my collarbone & chest so I wasn't looking forward to this but we only had to use pellet guns so was ok. My accuracy, however, wasn't. Frankly it was rubbish - worse than the archery - and i could work out why I kept firing off to the left. that was until Paul very kindly leant over said "You have got your right eye open and your left closed haven't you?" Let me tell you, it's amazing how much more accurate you are when you're actually looking down the barrel of the gun!!

All in all I really enjoyed the away day and had a fantastic team of people to work with - if ever there's a war I'm positioning myself behind the guys in my team who, I suspect, have all been snipers in a previous life!

And so on to Sean's birthday. Right off the bat I have to say that I'm not at all bothered about not being able to drink alcohol so that was never going to be an issue for me and I really enjoy watching people get drunk. You know what, the whole evening was a breeze. Ok, so I did flinch momentarily when the plate of popadoms were put in front of me - previously I think I could've eaten at least 4 or 5 of them, covered in mango chutney - but I didn't once feel tempted. I'd saved up a nut bar and just sat quite happily munching on that instead. And when the main meals came they brought over my soup - I opted for a mushroom foodpack - and it was the best soup I've had. I have no idea why it tasted so much better than when I make it but it did.

All in all is was a really great night - fantastic company, great conversation and the Edgar & Langdon comedy Show had me laughing all night - thanks guys. Unfortunately all the talking and laughing took it's toll and by the end of the evening I was starting to sound a lot like pre-pubescent boy who's voice was breaking!

The following morning I could barely get above a whisper and was feverish, coughing and generally feeling crap. CONFESSION TIME! Because I was feeling rough I just wanted some 'real food'. Nothing too fancy or fattening but something soothing, warming filling. Russell allowed me a small plate of scrambled eggs - which was just egg. No milk or butter and definitely no toast - but that was all I ate on Saturday so I think it probably wasn't too bad of a cheat. I really didn't feel well enough to have any of my foodpacks that day.

Challenge Two - Roast Dinner with the fam
Sunday lunch with the family is always a great event. The booze flows and the food is plentiful and always amazing. This time it was roast beef with all the trimmings and it was hard sitting there with my glass of water and soup whilst everyone else tucked in to the roasties, Yorkshire pudding &, my personal favourite, cheesy swede (mashed, buttery swede with a layer of grilled cheese on the top - gorgeous). I so wanted to cheat and have some food but everyone was really supportive and - typically of my family - made a big joke out of how horrible everything tasted and how I would have hated it all anyway.

The day ended with a mammoth game of Uno Extreme and although I had a really great time I do have to confess that this was the hardest food craving day I've had since the start of this diet. My 'adult' brain tells me that I was never hungry at any time but the mental cravings were a real bugger. When I come off this diet I am definitely going to relish a roast dinner.

So, apart from the above, the majority of the last week or so has been spent in bed recovering from being ill. Am still a bit coughy but, thankfully, my voice is back now and I'm feeling much better.

Some interesting changes.................
At the start of this diet I said that I hoped I wouldn't lose my boobs and that I would stay at a DD cup. I'm amused to report that I am no longer a DD. I say amused because, rather amazingly, as I've lost inches around my bust I appear to have increased by cup size and am now and E cup! Unreal.

The one thing I'm most happy about it my change in waist size which seems to be shrinking at ridiculously high speed.

However, bearing in mind the reduction in waist size & the increase in cup size I am starting to become a bit worried that I'll end up with a Pamela Anderson-esque figure. Oddly enough Russell doesn't seem too concerned about that!!!!!

Six Days & Seven Nights
Have been pretty useless recently at updating my blog but there comes a point when you really can't say much more about the taste of the foodpacks without it sounding really boring so........................have decided to take a more relaxed approach to blogging and write one when I have something interesting to say about this LL experience.

So, first things first............................today is day 16 and I have lost a total of 16lbs so far.

Also, by my calculations, I have lost 3 inches off my waist, 2.5 off my hips and 2 from my bust.

The diet itself does seem to be getting easier and last week I finally realised that I wasn't hungry anymore. Ok so I've still got a rumbling tummy every now & then but, generally, the physical symptoms of hunger have passed. The mental ones, however, are providing their own source of twisted torture.

For example: A drive past the KFC is the mental equivalent of a spell in an iron maiden - which were, rather pleasantly, designed not to kill but to inflict prolonged agony. This leads to some fairly intense negotiations:

One hot wing doesn't have that many calories so I could probably eat one and still lose weight.
But that would be cheating.
Yeah but no one would know.
I would know. And anyway, I want to lose this weight as soon as possible so.......................
etc etc etc

So far, reason seems to be winning but I am slightly worried about these inner arguments and where I didn't think I had a huge problem with my relationship with food before I think I might be developing one!! Which in itself is fairly ironic as the biggest part of the LL programme is the weekly meetings which are designed to resolve food/relationship issues.

In last weeks session we looked at the lessons we learn (right or wrong) about food from our parents and how we carry these with us in to adulthood. How many times were you told that you couldn't get down from the table until you'd cleared your plate? Or that you could have a 'treat' only if you were good? If you answered yes to either, now consider - do you still feel that you have to eat everything on your plate? Do you still consider certain food types as a treat only to be had when you'd been very good?

For my part I don't remember any sayings like that as a child but I did have an exceptionally healthy upbringing - long before organic food, non-processed, GI diets became a fad I was waking up every day to a menu of fruit & cereal smoothies, brown bread/rice/pasta, lean organic meat and 8 or 9 portions of fruit & vegetables. Followed by a plethora of vitamin & mineral tablets, all washed down with a spoonful of cod liver oil. This was the 70s and multivitamins weren't available so, if I remember correctly, the list went something like: 4 Brewers Yeast tablets (big brown things which caused massive gaseous burps and much hilarity), Vitamin A, C, B, D, zinc, kelp, iron, etc etc etc.

Every day my Dad would say "Nobody fart or you'll shoot the cat" and every day it was just as funny as the first time I'd heard it.

Of course I had 'grass is greener' issues and everyday would be desperate to swap my boring brown bread; tuna & cucumber; no butter; no mayonnaise; healthy sandwich for another girls white bread, butter & ham ones. And everyone's meals were always far more exciting than mine but when I mentioned this to my friend Sam the other day she said that she always loved coming to my house for dinner because the food was so lovely and always tasted really nice. I guess it's all a matter of perception isn't it.

So, bearing in mind my healthy upbringing, how did I end up overweight? My Mum gave me the answer to that one when we were talking yesterday. She told me about a time when I was 3 or 4 and we went to Butlins on holiday. At every meal, without fail, my brother and I would steal all the white bread off the table. And I do mean steal. Much to my parents horror and embarrassment we would literally take the bread off other diners plates and either shove it straight in our mouths or hide it in our pockets! That's so bad isn't it? God, the other diners must've thought we didn't get fed at home - how awful must my Mum have felt about that? Think I owe my parents an apology!!!!

Of course I don't steal food anymore but deep down I think I might still be that little girl who's got to have all the rubbish food because there's only good food to eat at home!

Day 11 Working (out) Girl
Things seem to be getting better on the energy front and I woke up with bags of it and this carried right through the day.

Another side effect of such quick weight loss however is saggy skin - the fat loss is so rapid that your skin can't keep up with it and you can end up with excess skin.

I wish I'd know all of this before I signed up.............so let's get the list right.

In 89 days I will potentially be 3 stone lighter, smell like a rotten egg, be bald & resemble a Shar-Pei!! I dread to think which new, unusual and frightening side effect I'm going to find out about next.

So far though I seem to be avoiding the major side effects - though I have become somewhat obsessed with brushing my teeth and drinking even more water than needed to ensure that any unpleasant keytones are being flushed out before they can create any offensive smells.

I have also been told that if I keep exercising regularly then I won't have to worry about the saggy skin issue so worked my arse off at the gym and will be doing so as often as possible from now on. Of course that in itself creates a catch 22 situation - if I exercise more I will lose weight quicker. Losing weight quickly can lead to saggy skin. And let's not even go there on the loss of boobs.

Anyone know the name of a good plastic surgeon????

Day 10 - Closet Land
Woke up with boundless energy and with a sudden desire to drag absolutely everything out of my wardrobe and throw half of my clothes out to charity. Russell thinks I've gone mad and keeps giving me very strange looks. At any moment I think he might ask me who I am and what I've done with his wife!!

The bedroom is a state and there are clothes, shoes and bags everywhere. On the floor; the bed; creeping out of the door into the hallway and I'm really quite shocked at the amount of clothing I've managed to accumulate. Most of these things I've not worn in ages -probably because they didn't fit anymore - but I couldn't bring myself to throw them out. Now I find that even if they did fit I wouldn't want to wear them anyway. Oh, & what does one woman need with 5 black wrap dresses anyway??? Madness. I think I must just buy things, forget I've got them as they're stuffed at the back of the tardis - sorry, wardrobe. Though it does seem to be much larger on the inside than it appears! - and then go out and buy something almost identical at some point afterwards.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this.

Four black bags later I now have a 'capsule' wardrobe - that is what they call it I think - which is arranged by colour, style & length. This is, even I have to admit, somewhat alien to me considering that I'm the type of person who thinks that an alphabetised cd collection denotes a somewhat anally retentive personality! Alphabetise by genre and I'm I'm all for calling in the men in white coats.

Russell doesn't expect this order to last and has given me a week before I go back to my random & chaotic ways!

Personally I'm just looking forward to that major shopping spree I'll need to go on to replace everything in my wardrobe as it just doesn't fit me anymore. Oh, and I hate shopping so for me that's quite an amazing comment to make.

I forgot to say that we learnt some more interesting facts are our meeting last week. Well, I say interesting but actually I'm terrified. Here's the thing - a lot of people go on a diet because they want to lost weight to look better (potentially to attract a partner or to keep/re-interest an existing one) and, if the horror stories are to be believed, some of the side effects of this diet will do exactly the opposite.

For example
1. Hair loss. The suggestion is that your body starts to stop growing cells which it doesn't feel are important and concentrates on the ones needed for the body to function. So, as hair is lost it doesn't get replaced, resulting in a general thinning overall.
2. Bad breath. Ketosis produces keytones which give off a particularly unpleasant smell. If you've ever done Atkins then you'll know all about this.
3. Bad body odour. Keytones can also be given off by skin through sweat.
4. Loss of periods. Another one of those 'the body doesn't think it's important' things.

These are all potential side effects and not necessarily going to happen but...........
In 90 days I will be at least three stone lighter and may smell like a rotten egg and have no hair! Fanbloodytastic.

If you see me swigging from a hip flask it's not alcohol, it's mouthwash!!!

Day 9 - Woman In A Dressing Gown.
Not only was Saturday the worst day of my LL so far but it also provided me with my biggest challenge.

Woke up that morning to find that my period had started. I was wracked with stomach cramps, felt weak, tired, had a headache and was feeling just awful.

I had absolutely no energy and spent the majority of the day either in bed or curled up in a ball on the sofa. Dragged myself down to my Stop In (lost another lb so that's now 10lb down in total) and dragged myself back to the sofa again.

Any woman will tell you that there are certain things which you have to have in order to survive a period and they are:
1) Chocolate
2) Wine
3) A ton of carbohydrate in the form of either bread or crisps or a pie or..............well you get the idea.
4) A damn good cry if you fancy it.

Unfortunately numbers 1 to 3 are out of bounds but I came very close to number 4 when my husband decided to settle down for the evening with a big packet of Doritos, a massive bar of Galaxy fruit & nut and a cold beer. Bloody tease.

For those who don't know, my husband is one of those really annoying people who can consume great quantities of rubbish, fatty, calorie heavy food and not put on an ounce. In fact he struggles to maintain his weight. I, on the other hand, have always 'eaten like a bird' - hands up if you've ever uttered that phrase before! Anyway, I have a theory which explains how he has stayed slim and I've gained weight..........every night when we go to bed and he snuggles up beside me the fat from all the rubbish he's eaten travels in to my body by way of osmosis! It's the only way I can explain it.

Interesting thing I learnt today............allegedly, astronaut food is exactly the same as LL foodpacks! So, the other day when I said that I felt like a space cadet I wasn't far away from the truth.

Day 8 - Rotten to the core!
It won't come as any surprise to learn that I was absolutely knackered when I woke up on Friday morning and could have quite easily buried myself under the duvet and slept all day.

Work passed by, unremarkably, though I struggled to shake a feeling of irritation which I chalked down to lack of sleep. Had a couple of moments when I wished again I had an AK47 but I managed to keep my inner psycho in check by reminding myself that I was going to spend the evening with my oldest friend Sam and her two children.

I love these Friday nights - before LL Sam & I would grab a take away and several bottles of red wine and we'd try to have a conversation whilst Freya & Cameron ran around like mad things, playing silly games that I would usually end up being drawn in to - this has, in the past, found me stuck half way down a slide and red in the face from a trampolining session "bounce again, again"! And the evening would end with bedtime stories, hugs & kisses and a nice warm boozy buzz.

Despite the lack of food or booze it was a lovely warm & fuzzy evening. Idyllic in every way accept for the constant farting. Me, not the children. That trapped wind finally decided to make it's presence known and it was dreadful. Seriously, you know you've got a problem when a three year old starts calling you Stinky. Sam said that if she'd known my backside was going to be that loud & that pungent she wouldn't have invited me over.

As bad as the smell was, I have to say that it definitely felt better out than in!!