And here's a photo that was taken half way though my LL. At this point I think I had lost almost 2 stone but you can already see how much my shape had started to change.

So I know it's been a while but I thought it was time for a little update - I'm now on the LL Route To Management which means that I can eat food now (woo hoo!) all be it that it's only one meal a day.............more on that in a my next blog. For now I thought I'd just do a bit of a catch up so here are some facts and figures for you:

BMI at start of LL 31.2. BMI today 22.92
Weight at start of LL (yes I'm finally going to admit to it!!) 13 stone & 10 pounds. Weight today 10 stone 5lbs.
Those all important measurements - at start of LL Chest 44 - Waist 38.5 (and that was all in the big belly!) Hips 43.
as at today Chest 38 - Waist 28 and hips 37

I also took my own measurements from my thighs, calves, upper arms and under my bust and in today I've lost a staggering 33 inches from my body. Even I'm amazed by that.

I'm going to ask Louise - my Lighter Life counselor if she'll email me the before & during photos - sorry but I don't think I'm at the after stage yet as I still want to get down to at least 10 stone - so hopefully I can show you just how this diet has changed me.

Because it amuses me - and I'm never happy unless I'm having a moan about something - I went on to some of our 'popular' high street stores websites and had a look at their sizing charts just to see what size they think I am! Common consensus is that I should be wearing a size 14 top (though both Next and M&S put me in a 16. I was too scared to check what they would've put me in at my old size!) and a 12 skirt. However, Topshop peg me at a size 10-12 so think I'll be spending my pennies there and 'accidentally' leaving the labels out.

Wherever I shop, and if I allow myself to face the scary truth of how big I had really let myself get, then I think it's fair to say that I've dropped at least 3 dress sizes.

I've still got some work to do - mainly toning up and improving my cardiovascular fitness but all in all I am incredibly happy with my LL journey so far. Yes there were times when it was hard. Yes there were times when I was bored beyond belief by the foodpacks and No, the weekly group sessions didn't always seem to 'do anything' for me but I can honestly say that this is probably one of the best things I've done for myself in my life so far.

I also cannot recommend this diet highly enough - if you are reading this and you have been having weight problems, you do have more than 3 stone to lose, then check it out. Really, you'll thank yourself for it in the long run - I promise!

So - before I get too evangelical about it - here are some of my thoughts on the 14 weeks Foundation part of my Lighter Life and the programme itself:

* I wish I'd heard about it sooner
* It really wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.
* The results are amazing and that spurred me on.
* I wish I'd done the homework every week - by not doing the homework I think I missed out on some key CBT techniques which would
have helped me to get through the mid programme boredom cycle a bit better. Since starting on Route To Management I've started
to go back and do the homework now and it really is helping me.
* I have got way more willpower than I ever thought I had and I'm so proud of myself.
* As cliched as it sounds I really do feel like a new woman - and Russell agrees on that point. Though he says that I'm not a new woman
I'm just the woman he first met & fancied like mad 10 and a half years ago!
* Following the LL programme has taught me new skills, taught me self awareness and a different type of confidence which I didn't know
I had (and that's no mean feat as some people think I was already the most confident person they knew!!)

Anyway, that's it for me for today. I will definitely be updating on the Route to Management part of my LL soon and hopefully those pictures will be up and running shortly.

One final thing - I just wanted to say thank you to all my friends who've supported and encouraged me throughout this - I have heard so may horror stories about how other Lifers friends & family have tried to put them off it and/or sabotage them and I'm not sure I could've coped with that. You are all bloody marvelous - thanks guys. x x

Day 67 - Total weight loss 2stone 12lb.
Well, I finally did it..........................am now in the healthy BMI bracket. So I guess that makes me normal! How chuffed am I? Real food is creeping ever closer and I can't wait.

I know that in my last blog I was feeling pretty deflated and ready to give up but I'm please to say that I've stuck at it and tried really hard to stay focussed. Boy am I glad I did because I now know that in another two weeks I'll be ready to go on to the management programme - assuming I manage to lose another 6 to 8lbs during that time.

And that means I can have something to eat to Christmas dinner - woo hoo!!!!!

For the first time in ages I am absolutely loving going shopping. I can now walk in to any shop and find something to fit me be it in a size 12 or 14. Previously I'd go shopping with my skinny friends and get so frustrated at the lack of 'adult' sized clothing available. You would regularly have been able to hear me cursing silently under my breath about the fact that shops don't cater for big girls/real people. But now I guess they do. Oddly enough I'm still having trouble finding the right balance in tops - I have the torso of a size 12/14 but my boobs have more or less stayed the same size! Very odd but my husband's happy.

Last night I said to him that I don't really want to lose too much more weight but I do want to tone up (sorry Joolz, I know I've been a crap gym buddy lately. Promise to put in more effort from next week) and to highlight this I stood in front of him and did a slow twirl so he could see that I don't need to lose a lot more. His said "Well stop breathing in then so I can see what you mean". Cheeky sod! I actually wasnt' breathing in at that point - mind you he took a lot of persuading that I wasn't and it was only when I showed him by really breathing in that he agreed with me. Although he doesn't agree that I should stop losing weight, especially having seen me pulling it all in - his response being "Bloody hell you look like Pamela Anderson when you do that. FANTASTIC"

I did have to advise him that whilst, in an ideal world, it would be lovely to have Ms Andersons physique the downside of that would be me constantly having to remind men that I do actually have a head and am not just a talking cleavage! Still, I'm already pretty used to that so.....

I'm very intrigued to find out more about management and how it works and, being totally honest, I am a little apprehensive about going back to real food in case I put all the weight back on again but I just have a feeling that it won't happen this time. I hope I'm going to be ok but I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

For now though it's onwards and downwards - for my weight that is.

Day 51 - Weight loss so far......................2 stone 6lbs

I'm right at the half way stage of my LL now and I have to be totally honest and admit that it seems to be getting harder and harder. Everyday now I'm battling with thoughts of quitting and it's ridiculous because I'm so close to reaching the goal I set for myself when I first embarked on this diet.

I'm not really sure that I'm getting anything out of the weekly group meetings (except for the support of the other lifers which is invaluable) and I'm starting to become somewhat concerned that I'm developing a bad relationship' with food where I never had one before. At a LL meeting we were once asked to describe our feelings after we'd binged; a few of my group said things like "guilty"and "ashamed" and all I could think of was "full" and "a bit sick". I've never been one to raid the fridge or the cupboards and binge eat and I've never, ever, had a bad/guilty emotional response to eating - until now.

For the last week or so I've been sneaking food, and I do mean quite literally sneaking. Handfuls of peanuts find their way in to my pockets and then, surreptitiously, into my mouth. All the while I'm hoping that Russell hasn't noticed that (a) I'm eating and (b) that the level on his bowl of nuts keeps dropping and rising as if it was tidal. I've become quite the expert at chewing without actually looking like I'm eating; this usually involves a combination yawn, cough, face scratch maneuver. It's really quite technical and should only be performed following intense training!!!

I'm become obsessed with my Step-Father Dereks' home made pickled onions and have worked my way through two jars of his vintage best. Way back when I started this diet I was concerned about getting ketosis breath. That didn't seem to happen (unless everyone is lying to me!) but now I couldn't care less that I have onion breath strong enough to strip paint from 200 yards. The only downside to this particular obsession is that I can't really hide it from Russell. You only have to open the jar and a wonderful fog of onion, spices & vinegar fills the room and, eventually, the house. I don't so much get a "Honey, I'm home" call from him when he walks in the front door now - it's more of a "Blimey, have you been at those pickled onions again?" And before anyone else asks me - NO I'm not pregnant.

Derek has just given me a jar of this years onions - a new stash! - and I couldn't stop myself from tucking in to them. Each year he changes the recipe slightly and this year he's upped the heat; floating around in the jar are lots of tiny, red hot chilies and they do add an amazing kick. The first one I tried left me flapping my hand around in front of my mouth in a vain attempt to take the edge off the heat and stop my eyes from streaming. Fantastic! Pretty powerful stuff and that's before they've really had a real chance to mature. Think I'll stick them at the back of the cupboard and leave them for six months or so - am looking forward to steam coming out of my ears and my head exploding!

At a party once I gave one of Dereks' onions to Dave, a friend of mine - his reaction said everything. He seemed ok just after eating it but then the afterburn kicked in. He went white, then green before eventually turning a very attractive shade of red, started to sweat profusely and mutter "Bloody hell" under his breath. I'm not sure if that meant he liked the experience or not - maybe I'll ask him.

Anyway, back to my LL................ I really don't know why I'm finding it so hard to stick to the diet now; especially as I am so very close to my personal goal. In reality I only have to lose another 6lbs to be at the top of the healthy BMI range and a total of 12lbs to be at the weight I want to get to. At 3lb per week that's only another 4 weeks. If I stick at this for another 7 weeks then I could lose another 21lbs which would put me smack bang in the middle of the healthy BMI range.

I've already lost a total of 23inches from my body; over 8 of them from my waist and almost 5 from my hips and have dropped a couple of clothes sizes. So you would think that it would spur me on to keep at it right? But, to be completely honest, I'm just so bored with it now and it really is becoming a struggle.

We're getting a locum group leader for the next couple of weeks as ours is on holiday and I gather that this is someone who has been through the programme so I'm hoping that she'll be able to give me some more motivation to keep going. I don't want to give up - we've already lost one from our group and I don't want to be the next one to fall by the wayside - so I guess I'm just going to have to keep on battling through.

Anyway, that's it for me for now. I've got a whole other blog to write about my first shopping experience for new clothes but I'll leave that for later in the week.

Take care. x x

It's day 38 and I've lost 2 stone so far.

Since my last blog I have to confess that things haven't been going quite to plan!

My LL leader thinks that I should be finding this diet a breeze by now. That I should have already identified those triggers/times/emotional states etc which would previously have had me reaching for food and should now be well equipped to argue against the chattering internal voices and talk them down with ease.

If that's the case, how is it that I found myself tucking into a bowl of peanuts yesterday and have also become somewhat obsessed with pickled onions?? In case you were wondering..................................no, I'm not pregnant.

Personally I think that, if anything, the last two weeks have been the hardest so far and it doesn't have anything to do with triggers or voices but everything to do with complacency. Lighter Life is, I've decided, like a relationship. Now that it's lost it's newness & it's excitment, I've settled in to it and, yes you've guessed it, I've given up making the effort!! And what happens when you give up making an effort??? Well, in my case, I get lazy and fat and a handfull of peanuts is just the start of a very long & slippery slope.

So, if I'm going to see this thing through then I guess I'm going to have to start putting in some effort again. I'm going to have to spice up my Lighter Life!! Think I might have to introduce a little fire in to the relationship - and a threesome may be just what the doctor ordered. I just hope Mr Foodpack doesn't object to me introducing Mr Tobasco into our relationship at this late stage!!!

Day 29 - Little Voice
I can't believe that it's been so long since I last updated my blog but, in my defence, I have been feeling pretty unwell for about a week so I guess that's a good enough reason?!?

So, most important thing first - today is day 29 and I have lost 22lbs.

You'd think I'd be pleased with that but am actually a bit miffed as I only lost 3lbs this week and was hoping it would have been more. I'm still hoping to be able to have a little something to eat on Christmas Day and I do need to lose more than 3lb a week if I'm going to achieve that goal.

Since my last blog I've faced a couple of fairly major food challenges and am pretty proud to report that I passed with flying colours.

Challenge One - Sean's birthday night out. Drinks & a curry.
When we received Sean's text inviting us out for his birthday I have to admit that it did initially cross my mind to say no but I just decided that that would be a really stupid choice. Afterall, if I say no to that am I going to say no to every social occasion we're invited to just because I'm on this diet? I don't know, maybe some lighter lifers would do that but I just don't see the point in ostracising myself for the sake of a diet! That and the fact that I really wanted to see if I could do it. If I could sit in a restaurant surrounded by lots of my favourite food and not be tempted. My only concern was whether the restaurant owner would have a problem with me not eating but he was absolutely fine and even offered to make up one of my soups for me.

The day of Sean's birthday meal I had my staff away day. I'm guessing these are pretty common in most companies but, if not, an away day does pretty much what it says on the tin! It's a chance for all staff to get away from the office, get involved in fun, challenging activities and spend time with people they wouldn't generally interact with in a day to day basis. This year we went to Brenscome Farm, near Corfe Castle, in Dorset and after an hour or so of orienteering we were challenged to a bit of archery - somehow I don't think Robin Hood would've been keen to have me in his merry band of outlaws. Trust me, it's harder than it looks and I was happy just to hit the outer edges of the target. I did come close to the bull once but that was more by chance than skill - I coughed just as I was letting go of the arrow and 'accidentally' managed to point the thing in the right direction!!!

Next was rock climbing - which I love. Ever since I was a child I've been more than happy crawling over rocks & up and down cliffs at Portland Bill so I wasn't phased by this at all. The only problem was that as I'm used to climbing either bare foot or with fairly lightweight shoes I found it really hard to get a good toe hold in my trainers. Obviously, for our own safety, we were strapped to ropes and had to wear the most disgusting, musty, nasty smelling helmets - which was pretty off putting. I was first to go and attempted to fly up the wall like spiderman but came unstuck two thirds of the way up when I realised that I couldn't reach the next hand hold. I did try but it was just too far away and I fell backwards off the wall. Thankfully my anchorman, Paul, was awake and kept me from falling. He did, however, leave me hanging for what seemed like more than a reasonable amount of time and I suspect he only decided to let me down when he noticed how purple my face was going. Those bloody harnesses chafe like you wouldn't believe!! So I didn't make the top but was lots of fun anyway.

And last, but not least, we went riffle shooting. My last shooting experience was clay pigeon shooting and the kick of the gun left a massive bruise on my collarbone & chest so I wasn't looking forward to this but we only had to use pellet guns so was ok. My accuracy, however, wasn't. Frankly it was rubbish - worse than the archery - and i could work out why I kept firing off to the left. that was until Paul very kindly leant over said "You have got your right eye open and your left closed haven't you?" Let me tell you, it's amazing how much more accurate you are when you're actually looking down the barrel of the gun!!

All in all I really enjoyed the away day and had a fantastic team of people to work with - if ever there's a war I'm positioning myself behind the guys in my team who, I suspect, have all been snipers in a previous life!

And so on to Sean's birthday. Right off the bat I have to say that I'm not at all bothered about not being able to drink alcohol so that was never going to be an issue for me and I really enjoy watching people get drunk. You know what, the whole evening was a breeze. Ok, so I did flinch momentarily when the plate of popadoms were put in front of me - previously I think I could've eaten at least 4 or 5 of them, covered in mango chutney - but I didn't once feel tempted. I'd saved up a nut bar and just sat quite happily munching on that instead. And when the main meals came they brought over my soup - I opted for a mushroom foodpack - and it was the best soup I've had. I have no idea why it tasted so much better than when I make it but it did.

All in all is was a really great night - fantastic company, great conversation and the Edgar & Langdon comedy Show had me laughing all night - thanks guys. Unfortunately all the talking and laughing took it's toll and by the end of the evening I was starting to sound a lot like pre-pubescent boy who's voice was breaking!

The following morning I could barely get above a whisper and was feverish, coughing and generally feeling crap. CONFESSION TIME! Because I was feeling rough I just wanted some 'real food'. Nothing too fancy or fattening but something soothing, warming filling. Russell allowed me a small plate of scrambled eggs - which was just egg. No milk or butter and definitely no toast - but that was all I ate on Saturday so I think it probably wasn't too bad of a cheat. I really didn't feel well enough to have any of my foodpacks that day.

Challenge Two - Roast Dinner with the fam
Sunday lunch with the family is always a great event. The booze flows and the food is plentiful and always amazing. This time it was roast beef with all the trimmings and it was hard sitting there with my glass of water and soup whilst everyone else tucked in to the roasties, Yorkshire pudding &, my personal favourite, cheesy swede (mashed, buttery swede with a layer of grilled cheese on the top - gorgeous). I so wanted to cheat and have some food but everyone was really supportive and - typically of my family - made a big joke out of how horrible everything tasted and how I would have hated it all anyway.

The day ended with a mammoth game of Uno Extreme and although I had a really great time I do have to confess that this was the hardest food craving day I've had since the start of this diet. My 'adult' brain tells me that I was never hungry at any time but the mental cravings were a real bugger. When I come off this diet I am definitely going to relish a roast dinner.

So, apart from the above, the majority of the last week or so has been spent in bed recovering from being ill. Am still a bit coughy but, thankfully, my voice is back now and I'm feeling much better.

Some interesting changes.................
At the start of this diet I said that I hoped I wouldn't lose my boobs and that I would stay at a DD cup. I'm amused to report that I am no longer a DD. I say amused because, rather amazingly, as I've lost inches around my bust I appear to have increased by cup size and am now and E cup! Unreal.

The one thing I'm most happy about it my change in waist size which seems to be shrinking at ridiculously high speed.

However, bearing in mind the reduction in waist size & the increase in cup size I am starting to become a bit worried that I'll end up with a Pamela Anderson-esque figure. Oddly enough Russell doesn't seem too concerned about that!!!!!

Six Days & Seven Nights
Have been pretty useless recently at updating my blog but there comes a point when you really can't say much more about the taste of the foodpacks without it sounding really boring so........................have decided to take a more relaxed approach to blogging and write one when I have something interesting to say about this LL experience.

So, first things first............................today is day 16 and I have lost a total of 16lbs so far.

Also, by my calculations, I have lost 3 inches off my waist, 2.5 off my hips and 2 from my bust.

The diet itself does seem to be getting easier and last week I finally realised that I wasn't hungry anymore. Ok so I've still got a rumbling tummy every now & then but, generally, the physical symptoms of hunger have passed. The mental ones, however, are providing their own source of twisted torture.

For example: A drive past the KFC is the mental equivalent of a spell in an iron maiden - which were, rather pleasantly, designed not to kill but to inflict prolonged agony. This leads to some fairly intense negotiations:

One hot wing doesn't have that many calories so I could probably eat one and still lose weight.
But that would be cheating.
Yeah but no one would know.
I would know. And anyway, I want to lose this weight as soon as possible so.......................
etc etc etc

So far, reason seems to be winning but I am slightly worried about these inner arguments and where I didn't think I had a huge problem with my relationship with food before I think I might be developing one!! Which in itself is fairly ironic as the biggest part of the LL programme is the weekly meetings which are designed to resolve food/relationship issues.

In last weeks session we looked at the lessons we learn (right or wrong) about food from our parents and how we carry these with us in to adulthood. How many times were you told that you couldn't get down from the table until you'd cleared your plate? Or that you could have a 'treat' only if you were good? If you answered yes to either, now consider - do you still feel that you have to eat everything on your plate? Do you still consider certain food types as a treat only to be had when you'd been very good?

For my part I don't remember any sayings like that as a child but I did have an exceptionally healthy upbringing - long before organic food, non-processed, GI diets became a fad I was waking up every day to a menu of fruit & cereal smoothies, brown bread/rice/pasta, lean organic meat and 8 or 9 portions of fruit & vegetables. Followed by a plethora of vitamin & mineral tablets, all washed down with a spoonful of cod liver oil. This was the 70s and multivitamins weren't available so, if I remember correctly, the list went something like: 4 Brewers Yeast tablets (big brown things which caused massive gaseous burps and much hilarity), Vitamin A, C, B, D, zinc, kelp, iron, etc etc etc.

Every day my Dad would say "Nobody fart or you'll shoot the cat" and every day it was just as funny as the first time I'd heard it.

Of course I had 'grass is greener' issues and everyday would be desperate to swap my boring brown bread; tuna & cucumber; no butter; no mayonnaise; healthy sandwich for another girls white bread, butter & ham ones. And everyone's meals were always far more exciting than mine but when I mentioned this to my friend Sam the other day she said that she always loved coming to my house for dinner because the food was so lovely and always tasted really nice. I guess it's all a matter of perception isn't it.

So, bearing in mind my healthy upbringing, how did I end up overweight? My Mum gave me the answer to that one when we were talking yesterday. She told me about a time when I was 3 or 4 and we went to Butlins on holiday. At every meal, without fail, my brother and I would steal all the white bread off the table. And I do mean steal. Much to my parents horror and embarrassment we would literally take the bread off other diners plates and either shove it straight in our mouths or hide it in our pockets! That's so bad isn't it? God, the other diners must've thought we didn't get fed at home - how awful must my Mum have felt about that? Think I owe my parents an apology!!!!

Of course I don't steal food anymore but deep down I think I might still be that little girl who's got to have all the rubbish food because there's only good food to eat at home!

Day 11 Working (out) Girl
Things seem to be getting better on the energy front and I woke up with bags of it and this carried right through the day.

Another side effect of such quick weight loss however is saggy skin - the fat loss is so rapid that your skin can't keep up with it and you can end up with excess skin.

I wish I'd know all of this before I signed up.............so let's get the list right.

In 89 days I will potentially be 3 stone lighter, smell like a rotten egg, be bald & resemble a Shar-Pei!! I dread to think which new, unusual and frightening side effect I'm going to find out about next.

So far though I seem to be avoiding the major side effects - though I have become somewhat obsessed with brushing my teeth and drinking even more water than needed to ensure that any unpleasant keytones are being flushed out before they can create any offensive smells.

I have also been told that if I keep exercising regularly then I won't have to worry about the saggy skin issue so worked my arse off at the gym and will be doing so as often as possible from now on. Of course that in itself creates a catch 22 situation - if I exercise more I will lose weight quicker. Losing weight quickly can lead to saggy skin. And let's not even go there on the loss of boobs.

Anyone know the name of a good plastic surgeon????